This past week was filled with milestones.  My two children ended their 6th and 7th grade school years, we watched as friends moved up from 8th grade to high school, and we have a ringside seat to graduation, senior prom and college prep festivities for a very special friend.  These are all wonderful accomplishments and moments to cherish.

So why am I so sad?

I have been on the verge of or full-fledged sobbing at any given moment over the past few weeks.  What is wrong with me?  I even took a pregnancy test (God, NO!) the other day thinking I must be a mess for some hormonal reason!

The truth is, I’ve been living everywhere but in the PRESENT.

I’ve relived every moment I can remember of babies, chubby cheeked toddlers, each grade, each milestone, wondering if I did everything I could to prepare them for this next stage of their lives.  I’ve wondered if I rushed us through all those magical moments trying to be the perfect mom and wife.  I’ve wished I could go back and snuggle, read a book for the hundredth time over, clean a dirty face full of melted ice cream or step on a random Lego while comforting a midnight bad dream.

I’ve worried about everything from drugs, alcohol, and pregnancy, to heartbreak, schoolwork, college, driving, friendships, economy, and jobs!  Don’t judge the list, I’ve read some of your Facebook posts; I’m not the only one!  I’ve crossed over to a new stage of parenting and I’m kicking and screaming on the inside.  We all know, based on my previous posts, I do like to have control.  I’m working on this but WOW, did I just get a big dose of “practice what you preach”!

Funny, the advice you give others is usually the most important advice you can give to yourself.

My daughter and I were having a conversation about moving into 8th grade.  She has some amazing opportunities in front of her and we’ve really been pushing her to dive in.  Her attitude has been less than enthusiastic about anything and finally she confided in me that she just doesn’t want to move on.  “ I don’t want anything to change, I like how things are right now in 7th grade.” she said. These are big changes for her too.  She was also reliving the past and fearful about her future.  My advice to her was, when you get there, you will be ready.  There is no need to worry about 8th grade and miss the summer fun.  Enjoy what is right in front of you!  … Ok, hammer over the head… Enjoy what is right in front of you!  I’m not doing that either!  I am so resistant to these big changes and so fearful of all the unknowns I am not enjoying what is right in front of me.

I’m not 100% sure of how I will accomplish this but I know it’s pretty important.  These are the moments.  Just take them one by one.  Stay present to the beauty, challenge, messiness, love, and emotion that are happening right

Wishing you health, happiness, yoga and PEACE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT! Love, Carlene

By the way, I’m not pregnant!